"This time, I'll let you go". That's what I said to myself when I realized that he will never see my worth, that he was never the one I'm supposed to spend a lifetime with, that he will never give me the love I desired.
How do we really know if we've already moved on? When there is no longer pain in your chest whenever someone mentions his name? Or when you no longer felt anything when you saw him on the street with another girl holding his arm?
To be honest, I don't really know. It's hard to say that 'I've already moved on' because sometimes life plays its game and you're at the center of it. It's hard to see the future when you're all hung up on your past. Leave the bitter memories of 2017. It's already 2018, give it another shot and maybe, just maybe, 2018 will be your year.
I know that the previous heartbreaks have hardened your heart but someone out there might be able to thaw the ice. Someone you will never expect. Life is full of surprises. Whether you like it or not life will always surprise you. And all you need to do is accept it the way it is.
If you think that you're destined to be in pain your whole life then change it. You are supposed to enjoy the beauty life can offer not the pain brought by the boy who you thought might have been the one. Love can either bring out the best in us or destroy us and most of the time the wrong love disguised in a perfect smile, bright eyes, destroy us, leaving us in despair.
There's really no other way of knowing if the person is good or bad other than to trust and give it a try. People often deprive themselves of love after getting hurt from previous relationships. Building walls around them. Isolating themselves. And the one who can help them heal is just one step away but because they chose to isolate themselves inside their walls, their heart opening to new things seemed so far away and impossible. And so they're left with a broken heart in their entire life.
Nobody wants to be miserable in their life. No one wants pain. But sorrow and joy are partners, like yin and yang. It keeps the balance in the world.
And in order to be happy, we have to let go of the things that hurt us. If he made you feel complete and you're afraid to let go because you fear that letting him go will make you feel empty again—and I know that emptiness can be scary and insufferable but you need to let go. You need to accept that he never loved you the way you did. He never saw you for what you are and took you for granted. And its fine if there's a lot of things that you want to say to him, it depends on you if you want him to hear it. It's you who decides if he's worth listening to your words. But sometimes, there are things better left unsaid. Just make sure to have no regrets. Regrets are unbearable and it can kill you ten times more than any diseases.
I want you to open your eyes and see your worth. You're not a doll to be played with. You're not an object to be taken for granted. You are so much more than just pain and a broken heart. You are the strongest girl I've ever known.
So smile with confidence. Your future awaits you, You'll meet hundreds of men in the future and you'll realize that he just passed through your life to teach you a lesson not to be with you. And when the right time comes, when you're all ready. Say it proudly, "This time, I'll let you go."